Sunday, April 26, 2009

Just Cooking The Rice That I Have

Birthday celebrations are occasions that anyone would expect to be fun in any form. Red should be the color of the day. Some would even plan way ahead for a grand one. Griefs must take the back seat, or have no place at all.

But I can only settle for the humblest way to celebrate – with the thought that… “Hey, it will pass through naturally anyway”. Or maybe I can try to con myself that it is just like another one of those ordinary days.


Without so much ado, yes, today is my birthday. My 41st to be exact. Have I be home where I belong, I should have lots of great things in mind. But the "fracture" of seclusion is my resolve to unwillingly confine myself just with me. I think I have no other choice but to celebrate it the way it has to be - in solidarity. But why, there is no better way anyway. It is just a matter of attitude now how I should drive my mood. I think I just have to choose to just be happy today.


So as I planned to get moving, I thought that I should rather be writing on my blog once again. Why not? To the place where I am, I don't have my family to kiss me as I would wake up this morning. No bosom buddies to call in to bang some beers. No folks to have a nice lunch or dinner with. Even if I try and push my luck to go out, I can't flag a taxi by my own. First, I don't know where I should go. And more seriously, I can not communicate by the native tongue of this foreign land. And worse of all, a taxi driver that can speak English is as remote as my chances in the lottery. This is one dilemma that I always had, but not life threatening though. That's why I don't think so seriously about it.


I guess for this kind of isolated occasion, I can only submit that I trapped myself by my own dedication - being away from home for the opportunity to provide my family a better life. It is always within my utmost prayers that my small sacrifice would result to what we have always prayed and dreamed of. That is why I am not even entitled to feel sad or miserable about being alone today, because I have to cogitate that I am away for a mission. Such a nostalgic day doesn't happen 365 times in a year. It just have to happen as foreseen.

But I am as well thankful of this chance that I'm all alone celebrating today. Now I can practically self check and reflect and meditate and mull what should I be motivated about for being away - just by myself. I would like to listen what my heart would say, and if there is a need to doubt my decisions, or wisdom in life. And that maybe before this day is over, I could grab a beer and greet myself a self-effacing birthday. And I hope that I would be just grateful to welcome it.

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