Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Widrawal Syndrome

This could be just one chilling effect of a mid-life crisis, but I really don't know why I have all these mix emotions in me. In my mind I should know that a falling out among our family is happenning, but my heart would not agree. I cling onto my wife and my kids for answers, but they can not give me one. Because I would never ask questions anyway.

As our Mom spent her last days in Australia, the stakes became greater. Conquered by her longingness to her youngest son and his family, she turned around and bit her pride, and went back to embrace the people who hurt her. With lots of help from great folks, she has quite overcame the agony she underwent, and now she has to leave the loving arms of the same great folks that took care of her, to move to her son's place - even when she knew it shall be a hard one - because she just love him so much, period.

But there are certain authorities which one used to have, then suddenly finds that are no longer there. She has to consider the fact that in her twilight, she can't perish in sadness. Paperworks are something not necessary to declare idiocry. She has to leave Oz, fast, before worse things would happen.

It has been about one and half months now since Mommy is finally home, back to the arms of those who would love her more, who would understand her better - her moods, her whims, her caprices. But why, she deserves to be happy, at the very least, so to speak. She won't be in this world for the next hundred years. Give the old woman a break!

I don't want to look out and blame everybody. My love for my brother shall never stop. And I shall continue to love him, and his siblings. But time has to take some moments for us. At one time he had told me; "we get closer being apart". That was before, and it was then true. But I wouldn't know now if that would still work. Because if there are things that we're going through right now, I want to make it clear that it is not an easy time for everybody. The flow may appear quite smooth, but lots of courage are in our hearts - to deny the "learning process" we had gone through.

I would rather not look at the weaknesses of the people, but at their strength. I know my brother is ain't the lost sheep. Though he may not have seen the best of himself yet, I know at one time the right senses would knock upon his shell. Everyone may have been emotional of the circumstances, but I know for a fact I can never be angry with anyone. Anger can incapacitate one psychologically. I would not allow that. Others may hate people. But those who hate don't win unless people would hate them too. And then you self-destruct. That's never good at all.

So in this world, what is never funny should not be magnified. But it is also good to stay away from such craps. To self reflect. To check things from afar. I give in that there are certain unique individuals that don't handle situations the normal way. But setting aside the issue of family relations, and grief over a dreaded loved one, a good human interpersonal relationship calls for an apology if you have wronged someone - especially if that someone doesn't deserve the administered heckling. I should pity my mother. But the more we must pity ourselves. We may have Mommy back, but we know, deep in her heart, she would always think of her beloved son Down Under. And underlying laughters shall never heal the wounds in her heart. In sunken eyes, the old lady shall never be as happy ever again...

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Remembering You... Today

[A Father's Day Poem From A Survived Only Daughter]

A while ago I wasn't thinking of you
Now i do suddenly i felt the tears
I hear music and music is you
It reminds the way we used to talk
Thru eyes we were talking
A gesture of friends
That is never found in others
You know what?
I miss you so much
I miss you cuddling me
I miss the way you made me laugh
Just like the way you made me frown
I think it's when we giggle that i miss most
'cause now there's no more alike to that
Childhood with you is wonderful
And friendship with you is even more
But you left me with them with a sad heart
To think you're not coming back
Your leaving without a goodbye
Almost killed my heart
Yet if I was there I'd let you go and watch you leave
Though I honestly know
It's the hardest thing to do
I'd rather miss you now
Than have watched you go in agony
How I wanted so much to take care of you
In my chest where you used to lean your back
And share the time I neglected to give you
So with the conversations I missed
To go over with you
I regret not being good to your expectetions
'cause no matter how I catch up with the time now
I can't get it back to mine
All I can do is keep each and every memories
You stored in me
Just like your smile
...your stunts
...your jokes
...your being tough
...your laughters
...your sax
...your kind of music
...everything about you
And everything that talks about me and you!
Now is your special day
I used to send you cakes and cards
That tickled your heart and made you proud of me
...your favorite child
...your only girl

I dearly love you and miss you so much!!!