Reverie

It’s so breezy today. I just woke up and it’s almost 10:00 AM. It must be the cold winter nights. For whatever reasons, I feel so high today, and looking forward to be full of joy and happiness onwards. Sitting under my tree, I just felt a barrage of good vibes. My heart beats so fast and differently. Today seems so ordinary, yet feels so strangely special. And I don't know why.

Upon checking my mobile phone, I am astounded of 14 miscalls, 98 Facebook notifications, and a number of messages. What? How long had I slept? Oh, I feel sorry for those love-ones seeking me. So I guess I better put it in writing for all of them to see.

My eldest son, reading from his SMS, said he dreamt of me two nights ago. But he finds it quite funny, awkward, and really crazy. He can’t understand that in his dream, he saw himself already of his present age – with his wife standing by his side as they held hands, and all three daughters giggly standing to my back watching me do the woodwork - as I was forming a top for my son out of an arm-sized dried guava branch. In my modest memory, I had him play the top, and he spins it so great. He also has some tricks where he would throw the top up back and catch and spin it on his palm. Or he would let it spin while hanging by the sling, and some further tricks that are so lovely for old people to see.

I first met his wife when they were about to let us know of their plans to get married. I must tell you they had a whirlwind romance before jumping up to the next phase, and penniless too, Lol! Kids, really… they think love is enough to survive.

I would never forget their eldest child. In fact, I carried her many times, even when she was just a newborn. She is our first grandchild actually. And yes, she got the face of my mother. All my folks would agree to it, saying the semblance is just so imminent to ignore.

For their two younger kids, I’ve seen their photos. Good Lord, they are just so beautiful too; their second child who looks exactly pretty like my daughter-in-law, and their youngest as another carbon copy of my mother. Well in fact, for so many times, I can’t help but laugh with the thought that my bloodline was just so strong upon my broods, hahaha..!

Back to those two youngsters, in fairness to them, sometimes they’d call me too. I’m not so sure what they know about me. I just heard they’d sometimes ask about my tale. But I’m all glad that they would at times say my name. Aahhh, I wish I had cuddled them too!

Scrolling on my Facebook notifications, there I saw a status posted by my daughter. Reading her post, I must admit, caught me – as always. She said she as well dreamt of me combing her hair. Lord Jesus, am I having tears now? Naahhh..! Cannot be, can never be! ‘Tears’ has already long been an obliterated word from my vocabulary!

Just a thing though. If anyone would ask about me and my daughter? Straight up, I would say; “We owned the world”! She was my little princess, as she still is. But why not? To me, she is the only girl in the world! I can’t say I loved her more over her brothers. But maybe I did – because she is my unica hija. There were more things I had shared with her because what I did with my boys was so common from my own childhood. I had never seen a life-size play house, and so I built her one. I never had a little sister as I am the youngest child, but I just loved dressing her up when she was younger. And there are more great memories I had with her, and I would always smile every time I am reminded of my princess. You must hear her belt out, because she sings so well. She is also a darling. With her being bubbly, giggly and always very positive, everyone would love her easily.

She also has just one child. Oh, and she was also named after me! I can always imagine their daughter as a baby, a very lovely one. I used to cuddle her up then. She must have grown so big and pretty now. I can see that through her voice each time she calls.

Did I mention that my daughter married my eldest son’s best friend? Well, she did! I had seen him as a good guy then, almost raised up according to my own set of standards. He must have gotten a great set of parents too. A very dedicated father and husband, or so I heard.

I had always this feeling that both my daughter and her child will be well taken-cared of by him. And as I see their plight now, guess that guy who took my princess away had achieved and provided them even more than what I had expected. Deep in my heart, I can truly say that I am so proud of him. Damn, he did beat me black and blue! What must had he been thinking then anyway? Shame me? If that was the case, then I want to let him know that I am not complaining. And there goes a loud ha-ha-ha for him too, Lol!

Just as I am writing this, I got a call from my wife; said both families of our two elder kids had a blastful (is this even a word now?) of a post-Christmas-slash-pre-New-Year holiday altogether. Oh Lord, I miss my wife so terribly; her face, her gestures, her love and affection, her kisses, her tone. Oops, let’s forget about the last part. Just between you and me, she doesn’t have a good musical voice. So please don’t let her sing, okay? Or she can ruin a party, hahaha..! (Don't worry, I will always love you, Mommy. Muah..!)

Hearing all of my wife’s stories makes me feel so homesick. Sometimes I ask myself what am I doing here, and why am I not having fun with them. But well, still I am glad they are fine, so very fine. I must still be a lucky dude for having my wife as my accomplice in my life's missions. She stuck to our game plan, and looking at our kids now, I admit she did well.  

Going over on other missed postings, there I saw another good news – which could be the best at the moment. My youngest son and his family are visiting our homeland! This guy I must tell you, will always be my priced son. I don’t care what his elder brother and sister will say, but he really is. He made me most proud than ever. His accomplishments are just way so beyond my visions. Too many surprises, gave us too much honors as parents. Nobilities were almost endless. But I tell you, he also had some sort-of dark sides too.

One afternoon during my days as an elementary grade teacher, it was that time in the afternoon before retreat when the pupils have to do some cleaning within the school surroundings. There I saw two boys – one obviously more sized up than the other – scuffling quite afar where I was standing. I was laughing deep inside because I can see the smaller kid just toying the bigger one, easily throwing punches here and there. Well, just kiddie fights, I said. So I didn't mind so much.

Until one pupil came running, hushing to me, telling me that my son is involved in that very scuffle. I had to rush up and separate them. He is an honor pupil, why would he even do that! But looking back, whenever alone, I would always grin recalling what I saw. What a sight. My son was the smaller child!

Well, my son married my good friend’s only daughter. We are from the same community, same religious affiliation, so apparently same values too, same cultural references to live by. So both parties are very much well known to each other. Just by that, I could never have qualms at all. From the onset, it was evident they will make a good pair. And certainly a good set of parents too.

I heard they got two kids now; a boy and a girl. And again, I was appalled to note that their son is also named after me. What are these guys thinking! They don’t want my legacy to die anymore? Makes me wonder, whew!

But on the other hand, I’m glad that my wife often pays them a visit down under. If only I could fly with her too so I could also see where they live, and how they are beating life there. I learned they just got a new house. Wish I could make some of their furniture and cabinets myself. Modesty aside, I am an FCM major (Furniture and Cabinet Making), just so you know. I'm sure I still have the reflexes. Must be peanuts!

I can’t wait to see my priced son’s family. Surely I’ll steal his kids away and show them my cozy place. Hey, but why not! I live by the beach front. Nice view and superb ambiance. Cold sea breeze all day, lots of fancy cottages for vacationers, and if they get lucky, they can even experience the primitive way of catching marine fishes. Pretty sure they’d love my place. Not to stay, of course. Just for a visit. And oops, not to mention I live just a few blocks away from my in-laws and other relatives. So it won’t be a totally strange location for them to see.

Actually, God knows I’m alright. As a matter of fact, I can honestly say that I am very much alright. All these news that I periodically receive, and all those calls too, there is nothing left for me to whine for. Rather, I can only thank enough that even when we are not living in the same worlds, I am wholly satisfied how they walk their lives. Twenty-eighth of January in 1998, it’s been so close to fourteen years now since I last saw their faces. Of course I miss them a lot too, just the same as maybe how they miss me. In due time, when all their missions in life are fulfilled, I know we shall be altogether again – forever.

Geeze, how time flies. My watch is now suggesting dinner. Well, I hope I can still have a little more Facebooking later to check for more updates, before taking a good bed rest again. Actually, my doctor always advises me not to tire myself too much. It’s just that I can’t help the longing anymore. With all such kind of news, who can? So guess I’ll be dreaming about each and every one of them tonight. Though I think I’d be dreaming of them even sooner than that. I’m sleepy now…

Good night Jesus, good night Mommy. Good night kids, and good night to my six grandchildren too. Until then, my most beloveds. See you all when I see you.

Simply Yohan

1999. 21^st of December. Tuesday. Looking at the calendar, it suggests we’re being just a few more days before the turn to a new millennium. Jackie and I geared up for work, drove her to her office, and then proceeded to mine. Nothing unusual. Just one of those another ordinary day.

Came 10:00 AM, I received a call. Said she’s back home to pick up the stuffs she particularly prepared for the day we had been anticipating about. She’s feeling it; she was already to give birth anytime. I took off and rushed back home but found no trace of Jackie. Neighbors would tell me they are gone. Pretty sure, it must be taxi I met at the crossroad.

I proceeded to the hospital with my heartbeat pacing like the beat of the car engine. And as soon as I had parked, I sped inside. I was met by her OB, told me it was a swift delivery – 20 minutes, tops! Reading the aura of excitement and eagerness on my face, I was pointed to the nursery. There I saw a thinly wrapped child so delicate, sleeping so calmly with her distinct sunken pair of dimples. Undeniably so beautiful. Very adorable…

Looking at her pink face, I guess I shed tears of joy. For 4-years and 10-months, the waiting is finally over. I closed my eyes and thanked God, in the highest spirits. Another blessing to thank for. Another reason to be motivated. Another inspiration to a happy family life.

I went to my wife in the recovery room, still sedated but half conscious. We held hands and kissed. It was a very ecstatic moment. I told her how beautiful our new baby is. She just dizzily smiled back, and slept. In 2-days we would return home. Everyone would be very happy to see her. And after 3-months, we christened our daughter “Joanna Carolina”, with her second name after my mother. And we fondly call her “Yohan”.

To date, just a few days more and she will turn 12. The years rolled so quickly that we almost did not notice her grow so fast. Well, at least to me – because if there’s a list she keeps where I would certainly topnotch, it must be the number of times I am away during her birthdays.

Among our three daughters – which is all we have, Yohan is our middle child. She holds the most difficult spot among our siblings. She has a 4-year 10-month gap with both of her sisters. When she converses to her elder sister (Carla Janina), she must elevate her mind half a decade over her age to cope up with Janina’s mind frame. And when she talks to her little sister (Carla Juliana, or Jia), she must reduce herself to another almost 5-years to alleviate their stance.

Not provided of any choice, either she plays a forced adult, or a temporary toddler. For her to be comprehensive, she must be able to lithely swing within that almost 10-year span between her sisters. I really have no idea how she does it. Either it is a skill, or something she is bound to be outstanding at. It is tough, but she knows it is the only way that she can aptly communicate with her sisters.

That’s why sometimes she’d rather choose to be alone and be vividly quiet. She would lock herself up, or would choose to be distant from our sights. I must know, at times she’d just want to be herself; of her age, of her own mind structure, and just be naturally by her own habitat. Because the moment she strikes a conversation, she’d end up playing in character again.

This must be the reason that she is never a Papa’s girl, neither a Mama’s girl too. There are indirect strives between us. We, her parents, would always want to comprehend. That’s what parents are expected to do anyway. But sometimes, the intangibles are just too vague to understand. Just so profound and delicate and fragile, but must never be ignored.

She would never reiterate asking favors. Once shot down, she’d just weep by herself. That’s when I and Jackie have to be mind readers. We have to really dig her to speak her mind. Not that she is unspoken, not that she is shy. She just doesn’t appreciate repeated conversations.

Yohan is not as bubbly as Jia, nor as eye-catcher as Janina. She can be as funny as hell, and can be noticeably jolly. But her personality would usually situate her to take the backseat. She normally spares highlight moments. She has a big heart for that. She doesn’t care much about accolades. She can just be a calm and quiet supporter.

As parents, particularly to me, it pains my heart that our Yohan is just unique as compared to her sisters. She may yet to speak her heart out, and just be vividly open. But in delight, she is still young. And since she just recently turned ‘from a child to a lady’, now she has all the time to mature, and see what her world has to offer. Maybe it is just one of those stages where a middle child must undergo. Surely things will be processed as she grows. And we will never stop to show she is no different among her sisters in terms of our love, support, guidance and compassion.

But make no mistake, there are things she does best that are so distinct of and very particular about her. When down, she would exactly know how to cheer us up, and catch us before we even hit the ground. She is a very loving person. She is always around when love is quiet. How she cuddles me is just superb. How she holds her Mom speaks a lot. She would strategically exist at the midst of every silence. She would always fill the missing link.

And she is also full of surprises. She sends me e-mails about any good thing she is sure would paint a smile on my face. She is also a good artist that each time I go overseas, and as soon as I arrive elsewhere, and as I unpack my things, I would find her self-made cards. And yes, her messages are so simple yet so deep that you would not expect it came from the heart of a growing young lady. She chooses her words so profoundly. She is a very caring child.

To imagine her pretty face is always easy – as if her dimples and wide eyes are just affront smiling. God thanks heavens, I could never picture not having her as our child. Her dreams largely speak how much love is in her heart as it would always include her siblings and not just for her own self – it’s always “we”, too seldom for “I”.

Yohan my child, we may not swear too much promises to you. But you know within that you are much loved, equally same as your siblings. But it is your special day, and actually your last birthday before turning into another dazzling teenager. There’s just one thing I can assure you though. However things go, whatever happens in the future, always remember; me and you, and Mama too - we will always be a team. We will focus on track of your big dreams. And with your overwhelming insights, there is no way we shall ever go backwards. That will never be an option. Because life will be easy - as you will be there to carry our spirits up high.

Again… we love you, our dearest Yohan. I would never wish you to be good on anything – because I know you shall always strive to get better.

Happy 12th birthday, Yohan, and you are much loved..! God, I can’t wait to wrap my arms around your tiny frame now.

Sixty-eight and gone, but was never lost

I must have seen it all, just by being the eldest
We started from nothing, which to others may even be less
You teach and live in Aparri, Mommy goes to NCC
And periodically, Philippine Rabbit would juggle me.


I was four, and Lore Lyn came by to us hushing
I didn’t like the name, you let me choose 'Caren'
Had our first picture together on Mom’s graduation
Soon she’ll be out there to mentor other children.


Another four years passed, a brother to us you’d give
Lore Junn had an ‘e’ just when to Saudi you’d leave
After a year you’d come home, he picks you from MIA
He grew so fast, you asked “Who’s child is this, Mama?”


Back to the dessert to provide us more from less
Built us a house to alleviate us with the others
Unfortunate events had pinched your heart and rethink
You can’t stand the camels, you seriously think they stink.


You came home, back to teaching, no more leaving us again
Wisdom you’d infuse upon us and altogether we’d dream
All three kids in school, just the duo of you couple at home
For eleven years, that’s the life you had with Mom.


But when your youngest pride was about to graduate
You said you are done; no more challenge left to take
Health was not your friend, it thumped you up quite fast
You hastily left us just when our lives were about to start.


By then I had family, same as your “only girl in the world”
Janina you’d love to carry, and Micah so delicate to hold
Those short memories with you are still fresh in their minds
You conquered their hearts - they still cry for you, Dad.


Your teachings, your antics, your laughter, just everything
You packaged us expansively, life’s tests can get a beating
An ace you left us, Mom is always on our sides each time
She steers us back to track, altering tough life sublime.


That even if all of your kids are thousand miles apart
Each thing you taught us always brings us a bright spark
A hint how to get around about life, whip it and succeed
Not necessarily richly, just enough to quench our needs.


Humble kind of life, that’s the very lesson you instilled in us
After all, seems we never got away from your strict standards
We are still the same guys that you well loved and raised, Dad
No way you can’t recognize us when we meet again for last.


Just too bad, we don’t miss you that much anymore, Dad
You made our lives complete, all we see is your watermark
You are reminded whenever we are filled with blessings
You baked us so well, how can we not say but good things.


Tell us Dad, how could we miss you at all, anyway
Our thoughts and hearts you would occupy always
It’s been so long and we still celebrate your birthday
Do you receive all our greetings and messages, by the way?


Must have been your sixty-eighth this fifth of December
The thirteenth time you’ll miss your party as I remember
Naturally there’ll be cakes and prayers and singing again
And yes Dad you’ll reign, surely we’ll be chanting your name.


There shall be more poetry, adoring your memories
You may have to wait and see our cheerful kids hymns
From the traits you bequeathed us, for sure they won’t miss
Because of you we become the creation of your dreams.


Happy birthday Dad, from Mommy who’d still call your name
From us your kids and all of your six bubbly grandchildren
You crafted a big one here, you must be smiling up there now
Your legacy shall remain, it’s still unblemished, somehow.

Waltzing Carla Juliana... @ 7

Our Beloved Jia,

There are just so many things I want to tell you today, and being lost of words may not be enough for an excuse that I can only say a few. So I guess I shall only pick the most essential thoughts that come to mind so easily:

You taught us the element of surprise; you came into this world three months before your due - being preterm (premature). You caught us quite a bit, but we nevertheless cheered.

You taught us the spirit of struggle; that even with your tiny frame holed with various tubings, you kept your composure and rayed us with hope by your imaginary sunken smiles, as if telling us to keep our cool. The fight was never easy, but the battle has to be won.

 You taught us the significance of the air we breathe; without ventilators available, even as my tears would drop on your thinly skin, I manually pumped your lungs as they were dysfunctional when you arrived. And you held your ground. And we as a team did it.

You taught us how to beat time; I had to hammer the highways in the first eight hours since your birth to look for your surfactant to give you a fighting chance. Divine direction pulled me where it was. And you chanted; "Bring it on, Pa’. I have this!"

Taking everything more lightly now, those antics of yours brought out the best among us. And now you have become a great joy to everyone as you’ve turn out to be just another important reason to survive life’s challenges.

You would not understand all these now, my little child. But one day you’ll find your way to read this, and fathom how you affected our hearts. There is no any better manifestation of what you have brought us more than the will to live life accurately – notwithstanding the tests of time. The aura that you paint in your cheeks never fails to amuse us.

You graduated from Kindergarten, and Papa was away and wasn’t by your side as you marched with your petite white gown. Mixed feelings that day, so I just filled my thoughts of you; as I imagined my arms were wrapped all over you, while my lips are pressed all over your pretty, lovely, tiny little face - always full of smile and inspiration.

 

And now you have just turned seven. All your baby teeth aren’t gone yet, but the kiss you plant on our cheeks and lips would always bring us to cloud nine. You are simply a manifestation of pure magic because you wipe away our discomforts so swiftly, and instantly switch our moods to be passionate about striving for a better life – always. Exhaustion and tiresomeness can be shoved quickly, and your music would toggle us to happy mode easily – no sweat, hands down, so big time!

Well, it’s still a long shot before you can overcome the shadows of your hardly fought struggle, but I promise you that with us all being tight and always driven, there shall never be another way but for all of us to get better everyday. Our team will be strong, and consequential difference will be inevitable - simply because you are a part of it.

Be it as it may, in behalf of your elder sisters, our salutation with Mama to your every achievement comes with our tightest hugs. This must be just one great start of your humble beginnings. I know there is yet more to come.

We love you, our beloved Kalempoink. Walk on, go ahead, explore the world, and soar up high. Do not ever worry of your tiny wings. Before those get tired of flapping, our love and support will lift you up again – always, and forever. That’s not a promise you can count on, but rather our pledge of love and support you have to expect.

All of our kisses… All of our love…

Our world is yours…

All Alone Again...

It’s been a while since I last blogged. I thought I would not even open this site anymore. But being a thousand miles away from home on my natal day, lonesomeness brought me here. And so here I am again after a lull of ten long months.

I’ve already been in this hole for a number of times. How many of my birthdays had been ‘celebrated’ away from my loved ones? Must have been a dozen times I suppose, or maybe just a little less. So there should be nothing unusual today aside from my statistical bump in that department. Yet I guess it would still have been better if I’m home. Pretty sure that my kids would hug and kiss me as if like not a must during birthdays. And that my wife would wish and maybe suggest me great things right through my ear. And yes, my dogs too…

But in retrospect, why do people celebrate birthdays? What is the feat that is won in every single birthday? Is it because we have lived another year again? But some would even end theirs! Wait. Or is it because it is how it is done in movies? Well, that can be a valid reason. And add up that there is a global feast every yuletide too, though that’s a far way different aspect. So it is now certain that birthdays are just celebrated ‘procedurally’, and not objectively.

Given that even if I want to, I can’t celebrate by myself due to the fact that I don’t even know where to treat myself. And so today I am compelled to be but alone hitting my keyboard, literally communicating with myself, and at the same time thinking something that goes; “What do I have to thank for, aside from being a year wiser once again”. And so I began to count my blessings.

I have a great family; a wife that is very kind, supportive and beautiful too, and three wonderful daughters that I can’t imagine what life could be without the inspiration they bring me. And just by that alone, I don’t think I would need any better motivation not to think of having more birthdays in this life. Their smiles, and laughter, and everything I see in them, just pushes me to want to live longer.

And my Mom who is still very healthy and strong, who would never cease to pat me by my shoulder saying I’m doing a good job. That even when I’m on a remiss, she would always tell me to just move forward and be enthused at all times. She’s my up-keeper, my untiring counselor, and my motivator. And she’s having her birthday tomorrow too.

Same goes to my sister and brother and their families too, for not missing to cheer for me. Just by the thought that they are there watching over my family’s welfare either from a distance, in silence or in person, I know that I am so blessed already.

And yes, my dogs too.

Life is sweet. Life is beautiful. Be it a birthday or just another ordinary day, I’d rather choose to be diplomatically productive by performing my job as a son, a brother, a husband, and a father - rather than to celebrate in naught.

And also as a believer. At foremost I can only thank God for endowing me this opportunity to pass by this world with all these blessings surrounding me.

Or am I just saying all these because I'm alone?

"Happy birthday, Carlo."

Dear Facebook

It has been noted that you have infiltrated a lot of private lives. No amount of intoxication – neither by liquor nor by prohibited drugs - could even match your capability by ease to let people voluntarily or by others, expose their long kept secrets and love stories and childhood memoirs and high school crushes and first kiss and college boyfriends and girlfriends and embarrassments and weaknesses and other forgettable moments and fun memories of their lives - I included. Your feat has been an upheaval beyond manuscripts, and worse is to see that no one is even willing to be rehabilitated from their addiction of you.

This is in direct manifest that I will face you toe-to-toe. I will not blink, and I will not back off. As you keep following me - that even in my dreams you'd not let me off, so that in retaliation, I will be very vigilant of you too. I will watch your every move, and I will never let you loose. I will hold grip on your every trail, as I try to surpass all your stuffs so you won't be any prouder anymore.

To expose your motives, you have made mimes speak their hearts. You have let people express their opinions and interpret their minds to fit with the flow, or can we just agree and label it as the hype? Yes, you always tend to update fashion every six hours and now people are going gaga on almost everything. I can't call that an upgrade because of your very untimely and ever changing mood, err… mandate! At times you'd even keep people sleepless but tireless, or even preferring virtual over reality in most cases. You've ferried the loudest laughters in zero decibel. What a lame...

You may not have thought at all, but you've crept into a lot of business entities as not many people even send snail mails anymore. Not many people send text messages now because interactivity has been more prompt through you. Not so many voice calls are even necessary anymore as our mobile phones had also been interfaced by you. There are no more photo albums in our living rooms since you became the keeper of our mementos. Tell me; just how heartless and unkind do you even plan to be?

An eye for an eye, I will then collect as many photos as I can and post and share to every human beings around the globe and eat up all your bandwidth until you crawl. I will share a lot of stories for others to comment on, and make you feel so twisted and dazzled on how to catch up or even jump in since some inputs would be traced back even before you even existed. I will proceed with a solid battle plan to invite more friends without any thought of subduing your inhabitants. That the only control I will mend you is to let those undesirable invites just hanging and not out-rightly ignoring them so they'd continue to proliferate some of your strength.

Generally, you just held me clueless of my objective now, and I am not even sure what to jot next. Being perceived as humanitarian - though I'm not sure if you are, I only ask you one single favor.

Got a pill..?

Sweet Sixteen

   

03 June 1994, I told you; “I can’t stand this anymore. We must have been through this thing separately many times. Either we agree to the next level or call it quits”. And you replied, “What about this coming Wednesday?” And that was it! On that 8^th of June, we went to Manila City Hall by ourselves - with just about a thousand pesos above poverty line. Single-hood was rescinded, and we went home as couples.

Sixteen years later, here we are. The sail was rough, but the adventure was all worth it. Now blessed with three amazing daughters, that even along the tests of times, if my love for you is a disease, with its magnitude and enormity, I would say that it must have long been diagnosed as benign. My heart only beats for you, and I am sure it shall go on forever. Not because you always love me back, but because I knew that I was cursed to love you.

 

I can not yet say that you complete me, because we still have a long way to go. We are not yet done. As a matter of fact, we must have just come out from honeymoon stage when it concerns our partnership in building our family. As we see our children grow, we are just like paddling off the estuary through the ocean of greater life where the stakes are higher. There is yet a bigger battle to come, and it will be a lot harder, or even bloodier - so to speak. But having you by my side shall make all those challenges far manageable. And I hope you feel the same way my most beloved one, or I may not survive.

For the last sixteen years, we leapt through a lot of stages. And I’m inclined to believe that the scars of our debacles are now dazzling like golden tattoos in our hearts. It’s still a far cry, but then again, we’ve survived another year honey. Thank you for coming into my life… into our lives… and hope you’d hang on for more. Not because you are stuck, but because it is where you belong. You and me to be together until we breathe our last, and our children too.

And to our three wonderful gems, we assure you that we will never cease dreaming for you. We are not yet very proud of what we have done to our family because Papa and Mama will always cling on the vision of a better us, or you in particular. I cry for the moment that you will significantly appreciate what I and Mama will bring onto you, with the hope that your future will be a notch better than we can imagine. So please cling on too, our dearest kids. Continue to shower us of better reasons to smile. Always be the source of our strength, and the wind beneath our wings as we soar higher and higher each day. Inspire us to be on focus, as we promise to dedicate our lives only to you.

And to you Mama, as I pledge my loyalty to our vows, that even without you saying it - I shall always embrace to your assurance that we are in this together. I love you, honey… and I’ll always will.

Happy Anniversary..!

Taki Taki

I’ll be celebrating my 42nd birthday this coming 26th of April, and my mom’s 66th the next day, together with my Uncle Sam’s 63rd. I have had lots of write ups about me and my mom so many times already, so I won’t go to that for now. This then goes to my beloved uncle.

Samuel Ubas Aguda. My mom’s brother. A teacher by profession, and an extended father to all his nephews and nieces by his own choice. He is gay, penniless (I’ll explain this later), and I’m proud to say publicly that he is my uncle.

My mom is the fourth child of their brood, and Uncle Sam is the fifth. They have a 3-year gap, but they share the same birth date. A twin with a 3-year gap, well, we can put it that way. And that may be the reason that they get along so well.

Everyone’s life; relatives and extended families included, he would touch. He is funny, bubbly, and always a party clown. He never misses to give presents on/for any occasion, how humble it may be. Saying he is so dearly loved is an understatement, while to provide balance to that, and unsurprisingly, some hate him too. But that’s just fair; he isn’t gold or a diamond that everyone would love anyway. He takes no offense anyhow.

He spent all his heydays supporting most of his nephews and nieces. He sent them (me included) to college until they had their degrees. Not full and total support, but he shouldered the greater chunk. No money was wasted, and he treated everyone as his own blood. Being feminine, he would quip that the only difference is no one among us came from his womb. With him as guardian, no one felt away from home.

Admittedly a gay and single all his life, some friends and distant folks alike would picture him out to be ‘self-containing’ and flying free like a butterfly. But instead, he sacrificed his own very self for us. Not for our sins, he isn’t that religious, but from the perspective of another hard life. His rules were so simple; convince him that you are good at what you want to be, and he’ll be good to you too - and he’ll take care of all the rest.

Simply put, there was nothing left for us to do but to do well with our grades, of which we must not fail him – and we didn’t fail him. As a fact, if all our diplomas had to be dedicated to him, all his walls must have been strategically covered by now. But he’s got no walls of his own. He is until now renting a room. He moves around everywhere near the site of his assigned school, and we seldom can visit him due to his always changing addresses. But he never fails to visit us. That’s how we stay connected. It’s all him doing the effort to check on his ‘clout’. That’s so him actually.

As a public school teacher, he only receives a very humble income. He had entered into lots of personal loans, now with compounded interest rates, and most if not any of those didn’t serve him at all. He spent every penny for our (us cousins) schooling. And until now he is still paying back those loans, leaving him of almost a nil paycheck. But he never complains. Always all smiles. He claims to be happy of what he does. And we just can’t fathom how to respond correctly.

When one graduates, he’d pick another ‘scholar’ again, and so on, and yes, up to this moment. No one would approach him whom to choose among his siblings’ kin. He has his own formula. It’s still a puzzle that he does this thing when he should already be looking forward to his retirement plans. No house of his own, no savings, only professional kids that are not his – of which are not yet ‘so made’ to be capable of reciprocating the goodness he has mended them (us). No genius would think that his two remaining years could earn him all he needs when he would no longer be teaching (forced retirement for public school teachers is at age 65). 

Of which all these thoughts are coming back to us now. What have we done to this man? Why had he sacrificed all his vigor to better our lives? What motivated him of his wisdom? Is it because he hailed from an extremely poor family, that the long exposure made him so allergy to and so sick from poverty? Boom..! It almost took us forever to find the most apt and fitting answer for that two-cent question.

Now his time is at a dive. Soon he’ll be alone by himself – with only the memories of those little kiddos he had ‘raised’ to become what we are now. Though success is subjective, but comparing to what we were, the leap was just so imminent. I’m hoping for the day that we can repay all the good things he has done. Not on a mathematical basis, but deeper than anything. Though some are showing isolated responses – which he may at times appreciate, I hope we can provide him of all the loving and caress that he deserves for all the kindness that he had bestowed us. Not that he would ask, but because we find it to be our responsibility to give back.

Happy birthday, our dearest Uncle Sam. As you have conquered our feats, we shall forever be loving you with all our hearts; not because you ‘made’ us, but because you are just so lovable, and lovely and all like that. For one, this world is never ever the same without you.